What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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