I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
