Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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