This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
