my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
