So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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