She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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