the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
not ubering you a puppy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
