wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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