is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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