When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize