she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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