Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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