I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
