did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
