Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
