Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize