just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
