Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
