so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
