You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
