recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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