I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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