Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
