I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
