i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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