i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize