Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize