We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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