I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
