why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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