Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
