his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
