OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
