We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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