Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
