Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
