I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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