hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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