don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
