There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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