you're like a bully in the Christmas story
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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