The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think people are normalizing furries
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