Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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