not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize