Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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