Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
