Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
