How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
