i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
