i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
