So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
