I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
