i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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