you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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