Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
