Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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