I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
