Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
