does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
