And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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