Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
