I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
