I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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