"it" just moved
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
