Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
