Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
