remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
