I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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