Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
