Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
